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Our First and Last

BY LUCILLE DE MESA

I never thought I would have a chance to walk hand in hand with you on a Valentine’s Day weekend. Every Sunday is your day with her. I’ve already accepted that I can only be with you on a normal day where everybody is busy with their own lives. Birthdays, anniversaries, Christmases and other special holidays—I knew I had to spend it without you by my side.

You looked at me with those chinito eyes that never failed to make me feel weak. All I could do was smile back and treasure this moment we had. A sunny day with no distractions or phone calls from anyone who did not know my existence.

You called me last night to tell me that you wanted to spend this day with me. I tried to contain myself, but inside, I was screaming and jumping for joy. Your voice was cracking while we were talking about when, where and how we would meet.

I asked, “Ano’ng problema?” You started to tell me that you’d been fighting with her for almost a week now because she found out about your “deeds,” as we called it. You told me that she told you to stop it. She asked for space, and right now you are complying with her request.

All the excitement inside me died down. Am I just a doormat to go to when you are feeling alone? Still, I agreed to meet and spend the day with you.

I was at your doorstep at around 10 in the morning. I did not put make-up on and only wore a simple shirt, a pair of jeans and sneakers. I was going to bring you to Tagaytay, the place where we first said we loved each other. I did not know if it would make you forget everything you told me last night but it was well worth the shot.

The drive going there was silent. I did not know what to talk about and I could see that you were crying the whole night. I put on a smile just to reassure you that you shouldn’t be too sad, and you tried your best to smile back but I knew you were holding back tears.

We arrived just in time for lunch; you did not eat a lot. I told myself that eating may not be a way to make you happy. So I drove us to the Sky Ranch and asked you, May naalala ka?

You smiled and said, Oo naman, d’yan ka nag-profess ng love mo para sa akin.

I frowned and sarcastically said, Ang gwapo mo naman.

We both laughed and that time, I knew you were trying your best to make this day as memorable for me as much as I wanted it to be the same for you.

As we walked to our last stop, holding hands, you told me you loved me. I answered back, Alam ko naman ‘yon. Your grip on my hand got tighter. Before I sat down opposite you, you hugged me tightly and whispered into my ears, “I’m sorry, Jade.” I stopped but you gestured for me to sit down. I could see your worried face but before I could ask you what that was all about, our meal arrived and you ate quietly. I was now the one that did not have any appetite.

“Hindi ba masarap y’ong inorder mo?” was all you asked me. You devoured your whole dish and also my left overs. After everything was consumed, your face turned into the gloomy face you had when I picked you up this morning.

Halika na, uwi na tayo.” 

You smiled at me and I smiled back. We were still silent on our way home. I still had questions inside my head but I was concentrating on driving us home safely.

I dropped you off at your home, your mother already waiting for you outside. I said my hello and she told me to take care. It was a short drive home but before I arrived, my phone notified me that I received a text message. When I arrived it was the first thing I looked at. It was from you, and it said:

From: Mark (+639**325619820)

Message:

Magpapakasal na kami ni Phoebe sa susunod na linggo. 3 buwan na syang buntis. Pinili kong makasama ka sa huli kong Valentine’s Day na single ako. Alam kong hindi na tayo magkikita pagkatapos nito pero sana makita pa ulit kita. Sorry at hindi ko masabi sayo ito kanina. Ayoko lang masira ang araw natin. Mahal na mahal kita at hindi yun magbabago. You are and forever will be my last love.

I was right, I will never forget this Valentine’s Day. It was the first and last I ever had with you. ☁

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